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 Post subject: Feature: Ragnarok - Anecdote or Apocalypse?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:57 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:38 am
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Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
Feature: Ragnarok - Anecdote or Apocalypse?

That's right, dear readers, the Daily Trickster is covering possibly the biggest story of all time, and we're bringing cutting edge information to YOU as it happens. Only problem is, we don't know if the information is true, which is what YOU, the READERS must decide.

Our intrepid reporters are the Daily Trickster want to know what you think. We want your stories, opinions and information. Send them in to us by private ley and we'll start an Armageddon Letters Page! Also, watch this space for interviews with some very clever people who have views on The End Of The World.

To kick off, here's some information passed on by the deeply knowledgeable Rurik, who is sceptical that Ragnarok is really happening.

"This whole Ragnarok thing is a pile of dingo's kidneys, I reckon" he says "someone wants us to THINK Ragnarok is happening but when you compare the facts with the stories about how it's all supposed to happen there are blatant differences. It's all lies and nobody should panic. So there. Now get out of my house, this is private property, you crazy journalistic fool!" *

* (note, Rurik never actually said it, the Daily Trickster just made that quote up, but it's pretty much the gist of his opinion, so hopefully he won't mind too much.)

So without further ado, these are the stories of Ragnarok, as kindly supplied by Rurik. Any resemblance with any people, ancestors or monsters, either living or dead or unliving is probably intentional. But we don't know.

An axe-age, a sword-age, shields will be gashed: there will be a wind-age and a wolf-age before the world is wrecked.

First of all the World will be wrenched and racked by wars for three winters. Fathers will slaughter sons: brothers will be drenched in one another's blood. Mothers will desert their menfolk and seduce their own sons: brothers will bed with sisters.

Then Fimbulvetr, the winter of all winters, will grip and throttle the world. Driving snow clouds will converge from North and South and East and West. There will be bitter frosts, biting winds; the shining sun will be helpless. Two such winters will follow each other with no summers between them but another winter.

So the end will begin. Then the children of the old giantess in Iron Wood will have their say: the Wolf will seize the sun between his jaws and swallow her - he will spatter the world with gore; and his brother wolf will catch the moon and mangle her. The stars shall vanish from the sky.

The ground will start to shudder then. Great trees will sway and topple, mountains will shake and rock and come crashing down, and every bond and fetter will burst. Fenrir will run free. That which is forgotten shall be remembered.

Eggther, watchman of the giants, will sit on his grave mound and strum his harp, smiling grimly. Nothing escapes the red cock Fjalar; he will crow to the giants from bird-wood. At the same time, the cock who wakes the warriors every day in Valhalla, golden-combed Gullinkambi, will crow to the Ancestors. A third cock, rust red, will raise the dead in Hel.

The sea will rear up and waves will pummel the shore because Jormungand, the serpent, is twisting and writhing in fury, working his way on to dry land. And in those high seas Naglfar will break loose - the ship made from dead men's nails. The bows and the waist and the stern and the hold will be packed with the ghastly crew from Hel and Hrym will stand at the helm, heading towards the plain Vigrid.

Then the brothers Fenris and Jormungand will move forward side by side. Fenrir's slavering mouth will gape wide open, so wide that his lower jaw scrapes against the ground and his upper jaw presses against the sky; it would gape still wider if there were more room. Flames will dance in Fenrir's eyes and leap from his nostrils. With each breath, meanwhile, Jormungand will spew venom; all the ground and sky will be splashed and stained with his poison.

The world will be in uproar, the air quaking with booms and blares and their echoes. Then the sons of Muspell will advance and tear apart the sky itself as they, too, close in on Vigrid. Surt will lead them, his sword blazing like the sun itself. And as they cross Bifrost, the rainbow bridge will crack and break behind them. So all the giants and all the inmates of Hel, and Fenrir and Jormungand, and Surt and the blazing sons of Muspell will gather on Vigrid; they will all but fill that plain that stretches one hundred and twenty leagues in every direction.

The ancestors, meanwhile, will not be idle. Heimdall will leave his hall, Himinbjorg, and raise the great horn Gjall to his mouth. He will sound such a blast that it will be heard throughout the nine worlds. All the ancestors will wake and at once meet in council. Then Odin will mount Sleipnir and gallop to Mimir's spring and take advice from Mimir there.

Yggdrasill itself will moan, the ash that always was and waves over all that is. Its leaves will tremble, its limbs shiver and shake even as two take refuge deep within it. Everything in the heavens and in the earth and Hel will quiver.

Then all the Aesir and all the Einherjar in Valhalla will arm themselves. They will don their helmets and their coats of mail, and grasp their swords and spears and shields. Eight hundred fighting men will forge through each of that hall's five hundred and forty doors. That vast host will march towards Vigrid and Odin will ride at their head, wearing a golden helmet and a shining corslet, brandishing Gungnir.

It will be the end. It will be the beginning.


In a recent interview with Garrek and Grunt, two brothers who work in security at Folly's Rest Monkery, they confirmed that they have neither killed nor attempted to sleep with each other or any member of their family. This strongly suggests that such a thing is unlikely to happen.

Although it seems that the section about the 2 year winter may well be true, The Bricks recently revealed that this year's Summer in Norsca did in fact happen, but only lasted about 11 seconds. But it DID happen, a fact confirmed by independent meteorologist Micjal Fishsson. If you missed it, you must have been indoors or asleep or something.

To date, the Daily Trickster has had no reliable eyewitness accounts of the sun, moon or stars being eaten or in any way tampered with. It's had several unreliable accounts but they all came from Lester, so can be safely discredited.

No major earthquakes have been reported, except in the immediate vicinity of Agnes the Troll when she's sat down.

We had some evidence pertaining to the bit about "That which is forgotten shall be remembered", but we've forgotten it.

Captain Skally has been on the lookout for the ghost ship Naglfar, but has so far only found some seagulls and a variety of thralls from both near and far who insisted on mumbling some old nonsense in a foreign tongue. He says that all the thralls have been alive and well, and none of them have been even slightly spooky or dead.

Cassius has undertaken several repair and engineering works on Bifrost to ensure its safety from collapse. He also says that the ancestors are mostly idle and he hasn't seen any of them tooling up for battle or preparing to blow any horns of any kind.

Loki has denied any knowledge or involvement in Ragnarok and would like to state to his followers that he's not evil, just misunderstood. More of that Trickster exclusive interview as soon as we've finished making it up.


So, are you convinced? Do you think that the reality is different from the prophecies, or spookily similar? Do you think the prophecies are right or wrong, and do you like the way that they're worded and the use of punctuation? Are you continuing with your life, safe in the knowledge that the sky will not crash down on our heads for ages yet, or are you stockpiling food and building a shelter in your basement? If it is Ragnarok (and let's not forget that the evidence says otherwise, so don't panic folks!), whose side will you be on?

Letters to the usual ley address. Best letter of the month will win a cuddle, and maybe some beer if we're feeling generous.

Don't mess with the Jester...

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 11:44 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:38 am
Posts: 1067
Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
So, Odin himself has said it - Ragnarok is upon us! And although we may feel some sadness at the injustice occuring in Asgard at the moment, we can at least take heart that when Loki shaved Thor's wife's hair off, that was just another sign that we're facing The End Of The World. Excited yet?

We've had a letter sent in to the Trickster, talking about views of Ragnarok. According to one reader, there's a bright side to the whole situation:

Dear Editor,
The Armageddon situation might seem dire, but some of us are making good out of it. I mean look at me, for example. I have a lucrative career in weather forecasting!

"Today's weather in Norsca: Cold with occasional Very Cold spells, and a Really Really Cold Snap about midday to look out for..."

Private Carsons,
North Down Miltia

Well, I looked out the window, and I think he might just be right - his forecasting skills are uncanny in this perpetual winter...

In other news, Saint Anders has failed to pass on to the Trickster vital information about Ragnarok. Perhaps he's part of some deep conspiracy wanting the hide the truth! Perhaps he just forgot. Who knows?

And finally, The Daily Trickster has been working hard to uncover some EXCLUSIVE information which will Ragnarock your world - Watch this space, readers, and until then keep enthralling, and try to keep warm. Brrr!

Don't mess with the Jester...

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