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 Post subject: Interviews
PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 9:44 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:38 am
Posts: 1067
Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
This is where YOU get to know more about the people around you. Scandal! Revelations! Long-Winded Life Histories! It's all in here...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:29 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:38 am
Posts: 1067
Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
Interview With: Pope Lester I - Wolf faction Chief War Jester Wot Is Dead Good, Pope Of Cassius, New Editor of the Daily Trickster.

Did you always want to be a jester?

What, who me? No, not at all! How amusing do you think it is wearing this stupid feckin' hat? Would you like it? In truth, I just sort of fell into it. I worked in a castle kitchens since I was old enough to walk, and one day I was serving my boss, a certain Baron Von Otterburger and I accidentally served him a fly in his soup. When he complained, I said "Shh, sir, or everyone will want one!" (a joke which has been copied from me many times, and do I see any royalties? Do I heck!). Anyway, he laughed so much that I was hired as his personal jester on the spot. I did some other work for him as well, was quite a good knave/swordsman/blacksmith at one time, but those days are over and the hat is all I have left. Still, the Trickster should hopefully widen my audience and maybe make me a bit more money one day, who knows? It's a new challenge for me.

Describe the average day of a jester.
Well, I wake up face down in a puddle outside of the tavern I was playing in the night before, pick the broken glass out of myself and try to remove some of the rotten fruit stains. Comb the hat, grab my guitar and head off to whatever other campfire or tavern might want my services, and ideally not have too psychotically critical an audience. If I'm lucky and don't have too much writer's block, I might pen another biting political satire of a song, most of which get themselves banned (and me mage-bolted or stabbed) before I've finished performing them. It isn't easy living on the cutting edge of comedy. On a quiet day I might fool around with a friend of mine, Judith the Sane in our local ritual circle. I've been working my way through a tome called "Ritual Magic For Dummies", which is quite interesting. Then of course there's the Trickster, which is a job I'm still feeling my way into. I have some experience of publication, having contributed several drawing to PlayDriad Magazine ("It gives you wood").

I bet you meet interesting people, yes?

Meet. Offend. Get attacked and/or chased by. Failed to get paid by. Yeah I suppose I do meet a few. A quick look at my list of ex-wives will confirm that! So far I've managed a wood elf (The love of my life - *sob*), an orc, Orcus and Spittle's pet minotaur, and a harem of trolls (that was really painful).

What is the worst part of the job?

Everyone's a critic. I'm none too keen on the hat, either. And the pay sucks. Actually, I don't like much of my job at all.

What is the best part of the job?

The groupies. At least, the groupies who are humanoid, female and don't have tendencies towards becoming stalkers. They're pretty few and far between, to be honest with you.

What do you do to relax?

<RESPONSE DEEMED UNPRINTABLE>

How should your job be advertised after you retire/leave/pass on?

Wanted: A fool. Hard dangerous work, terrible wages, no scope for promotion. Talent not a requirement. Must have own hat (Union rules), and be prepared to travel.

How would you like to see the world in general develop over the next few years?

I think this "diplomacy" thing is just a fad. I'm looking forward to everyone getting over that and having some good old-fashioned wars again. I'm also quietly hoping to see Ragnarok within my lifetime. I've been promised front-row seats and a backstage pass to hang out with Loki and Cass.

Who/what inspires you?

Aside from my ancestors, and those who oppose diplomacy (my respect for those is well documented), I'd have to say Scullion. He's a damn fine bard, he knows a thing or two about war (he knows a thing or two about EVERYTHING, in fact), and one day I hope to be a fraction as good as he is. I don't see that happening, but you've gotta have goals.

Any message for our readers?

Support your local bards: You don't pay, they go away. And who wants to sit around a silent campfire?

Thank you Lester, you're the best person wot has ever been interview here, and I'm not just saying that because you conducted the interview yourself. I love you man, like a brother.

I love me too, quite regularly.

Yeah, okay, calm down, this is a family newspaper.

Have you seen the latest edition of PlayDriad?

Ooooh, look at the bush on that...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:31 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:38 am
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Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
Interview with: Cassius - Living Ancestor of Getting Away With It.

Did you always want to be an Ancestor?

No, I wanted to be a wall.

Describe the average day of an Ancestor.

Well as I don't sleep it doesn't really start at a predermined time, but typically at about first light I check my morning messages from my followers. I now put the ones from Lester involving leather, dryads or pay in a special pile to deal with later. After that I have some light japes and capers before lunch time. Afternoons are mostly devoted to miracles and opening fetes. I like to spend the evenings causing trouble or helping followers out of tight spots. Because I care.

I bet you meet interesting people, yes?

Yes I do, But I also meet mages so it balances out in the end.

What is the worst part of the job?

Listening to Lester's prayers about Dryads, especially since Anders and Kasmir explained a bit more about "squishy plumbing" to me.

Yeah, sorry about that. What is the best part of the job?

Throwing Bricks at Skellingtons and helping people out. And Getting Away With It, of course. That's what I'm ancestor of, don't'ya know.

Yes, I did know that. What do you do to relax?

Generally rob people *cough* *cough*. I also train show bricks.

I hear you're the most worshipped Ancestor in Erdreja these days. How does that feel?

Good, although some of the other Ancestors get a bit moany and throw lightning at me. I think they're jealous, or don't know how to be nice to people, or something.

How should your job be advertised after you retire/leave/pass on/get bored?

Ancestor required - must not be moany or have strange hang-ups, good job prospects, some shift work required.
I shouldn't think being dead will be too much of a hindrance to me though, it seems all the rage amongst many other successful ancestors.

How would you like to see Valhalla develop over the next few years?

I think Valhalla needs to keep in touch with its roots of course, but perhaps theme nights on Thorsdays would be nice, maybe with music. And some trays of those little cheesy nibbles.

Who/what inspires you?


The mischief of my followers - some of the malarkey they get up to would turn anyone to Stone!

Any message for our readers?

Floss, oh and don't trust Drow (unless you want to of course).

Thank you Cassius

Hey, I care...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:32 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:38 am
Posts: 1067
Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
Interview with: Mask Man - Erdreja's Favourite Superhero

Did you always want to be a hero?

Mask Man has always BEEN a Hero! What job could be more satisfying than vanquishing Evil and delivering Justice to the good people of this land? Mask Man cannot think of one.

Describe the average day of a hero.

Mask Man rises at dawn and goes off in search of Evildoers to smite. After saving the world a few times, Mask Man has a light breakfast and a quick jog. Mask Man then typically rescues a damsel in distress or two, looking heroic and manly at the time. He will spend the afternoon slaying liches, demons and accountants before standing atop a mountain to gaze heroically into the sunset.

I bet you meet interesting people, yes?

Mask Man finds all of the good people of Erdreja interesting, and wishes to save them all from the Clutches of Evil. Mask Man also has a good working relationship with his Ancestors, which give him the power to smite wrongdoers with ever-increasing vigour, and to hardly fall over bleeding at all.

What is the worst part of the job?

Falling over bleeding. Mask Man doesn't like that, as it detracts from his heroic posturing.

What is the best part of the job?

Making liches, demons and accountants fall over bleeding. Soon they shall LEARN that wherever there is Injustice, there shall be Mask Man. Wherever there is a wrongdoing, Mask Man shall be there to set it right. Mask Man will never back down, and Evil cannot win this fight.

What does Mask Ma... Sorry, what do you do to relax?

Mask Man has very little time to relax, but his hobbies include gardening and needlework. Oh, and training to be a Better Hero, of course *cough*

How should your job be advertised after you retire/leave/pass on/get bored?

Erdreja needs a Hero. It's holding out for a Hero 'til the end of the night. He’s got to be strong, and he’s got to be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight. We need a Hero. We're holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light. He’s got to be sure, and it’s got to be soon, and he’s got to be larger than life.

Mask Man thinks that would suffice.

How would you like to see Erdreja develop over the next few years?

Mask Man would like to finally vanquish all Evil and spent his twilight years making guest appearances to open new ritual circles and adventuring stores.

So go on then, you can tell us, who are you really? What's your secret identity?
Mask Man cannot tell you that! Mask Man's anonymity is the only thing standing between Erdreja and total annihilation! Never ask Mask Man that again!

Who/what inspires you?

Mask Man is inspired by nothing more or less than the goodwill of innocent citizens. Beyond that, Mask Man needs no inspiration other than that which his sparkling charisma provides for himself, and for all people. Damn, Mask Man is good...

Any message for our readers?

Stay out of trouble. Do not give Mask Man a reason to become angry with you.

Thank you Mask Man

Any time, Citizen.

Image
Stunning artists impression of Mask Man by Daz


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 10:43 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 7:06 am
Posts: 16
An Interview with: BT5

Did you always want to be a ley imp?
Hah! Like I had a choice!
Having said that, being around Ol' Octopus Head ain't such a bad ordeal. Sure, he drinks, he burps, he snores, he farts, he chases skirt constantly... that lot out-weighs all his bad points in my book.

What does 'BT' stand for then?

Nah.. you ain't gettin' me with that one... Only one other person knows that, and I've got so much on him, he wouldn't dare... Besides, kids read this don't they?
He he... Ok then, it stands for: B*t*o*kr*nd Th*u*tfu*y the Fifth.

...See? I knew it would be censored...

What is it you actually do, then?

What do I do? Waddayamean? I do whatever Ol' Spangle Britches tells me, is what I do...
...Unless I can find a way out of it of course...
Mostly, I write stuff, I suggest stuff, I get ignored. Generally, I help out Ol' Jingle Head, (mostly with spelling an' stuff).
Not with his songwriting tho'... I don't think ANYONE can help him there...
I get to travel around with Ol' Starfish Head and check out all the hottie babes an' stuff, and I don't mean just on Midgard here... I mean All Over...
Yeh...Valkyries an' stuff... You gotta admit, if THEY don't pump yer iron, nothin will, right?
Shame we don't get to stay long anywhere on account of Pointy Pyjama Man usually gets a slap from some cutie and her brother or dad runs us out of town.

What constitutes a good day for you?

Makin' money
Slurpin' beers
Burnin cigars
Talkin' S**t
Lookin for Babes

What's a bad day then?

Burnin' money
Talkin to our beers
Lookin for cigars
Makin S**t
And Slurpin.... ooh..hang on... he he...

Any ambitions?

Wait a sec! You're talking to a 12inch tall, ugly little grey/green guy who spends half his life living in the armpit of a psychotic bard with the dress sense of a colour-blind Albione and the social graces of a Viper pimp....
What kind of dumb question is that...??
I'm at the TOP, Pal!
I've touched the SKY!
The rest of my brood would chew their buboes off to be where I am today!

Anything more you'd like to impart to the readers?

Loads, yeh, but for now:
Congrats to that Vlad chappie, or: 'Old Snarly Puss', as the boss calls him, (he' your guv'nor or something ain't he?). Ol' Bell-Ends told me about him marryin' a real hottie. Good on yer, fellah!

I think you Wolves are the best of the bunch. So fearless and tough. But I reckon you could look even tougher if you wore less fur, especially the ladies... in fact... if the ladies just wore LESS, full stop, ifyerknowwhatImean...
I reckon that would scare the bebaldurs out of the foe! ... Just thought Ol' Bossman Klaus might want to think about that for the next battle... maybe, a LOT...?
(By the way, he don't half remind me of this teacher I had when I was a larva in Gehenna... wierd, that).

Oh.. one more thing:
Give us some money you lot, pleeease. Just chuck the odd stell when you can, eh? It ain't easy bein' a journo, y'know. Me an' Ol Smelly Pits had to go without food for a whole MONTH the other day, just so's we could buy paper!
It's true! Honest!
So, anythin' you could spare would be brill! Ta!

Thank you, BT

Yeh, back at yer.

_________________
Beetee the 5th. "Nyeeeaa... gerofahtofit!"


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