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 Post subject: Feature: Kara - A Queen. A Lady. A Legend
PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:41 am 
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Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
Kara: A Queen. A Lady*. A Legend.

* (but not a nice sweet fluffy one, more of a rough and feisty one who can look after herself just fine, thankyouverymuch)

After the tragic stabbing of King Vlad, Erdreja has a new leader. Queen Kara has risen to the throne to continue the fight to mercilessly and gloriously enslave the World (for its own good, of course). Some speak in awed tones of her bringing a new way of thinking to the Wolves, bringing diplomacy and prosperity and harmony to all nations. They talk of how nice it would be for the Worlds Greatest Barbarian Horde(tm) to be given that special feminine touch in its leadership. Of course, the rest of us know that the people who say those things are just dumb Forinjars who haven't met our beloved Kara and don't know what's going to hit them. But who is this mysterious woman? What are her origins? What of her relationship with the late King? What are her plans for the future? And why does she look so good in green? The Daily Trickster sent our intrepid reporter to find out...

Kara Ottarsdottir, daughter of Ottar Ottarsdadssen, was born at a very young age, in a small fishing village named Harrison's Fjord. From humble roots selling jewellry made from fish heads, she always dreamed of greatness. Her family fondly recall stories of her childhood, in which she so playfully smote all of the boys in her local school with a large stick until they all agreed that she was the bestest fighter and that one day she would be a proper princess with a tiara and everything. As we know now, she was destined for heights even dizzier than a mere Princess. One day she would become Queen Of The World. Her ambition was clear to all of those who knew her in her youth as she continued to achieve academic excellence seemingly without effort. Despite vicious rumours from jealous individuals, The Daily Trickster can report that Loki (everyone's favourite Ancestor) vehemently denies ever doing her geography homework for her. "It was all her own work," he said in an exclusive interview "Even though I am brilliant at geography homework, and lots of other stuff too. Because I am the best Ancestor".

As Kara grew up, her love of the Viking way grew faster than her interest in the pale, geeky men who worshipped at the altar of her all-round niceness. Tales abound of her single-handedly pillaging Forinjar villages, stopping only to playfully batter the local Trollball teams with her handbag. She was looking for a real man, and she found that man in King Vlad. "It all started in the Vanamoiinen", we were told by Saint Tunar The Controversial, whilst supping a flagon of mead in Valhalla "I could see there was chemistry between them, the family approved0, and Vlad really dug that whole Lady Of The Forest thing she had going on, so I thought I'd write a song to help bring the romance to fruition." Unfortunately, the song was to be misinterpreted as vile slander from the mouth of Kara's own uncle, and she was not a big fan of it. "My tunic still smells of beer" Tunar giggles, before ordering more steak.

The marriage was a blissful one. "I cried," says Gansk, reminiscing about the Big Day. "It's times like that which make you really understand how precious life is - how precious love is. You're not going to print that I cried, are you?" he added, welling up again. They remained together for the rest of King Vlad's life, all the time keeping up their cunning ruse of diplomacy whilst secretly plotting the downfall of the Tarantula faction, an important political maneuvre which still continues in complete secrecy to this day. The Trickster tried to gain exclusive details of the couple's nocturnal expressions of love, but we were sadly thwarted by incredibly discreet serving staff, whose bribes we couldn't afford. Tragically, the World's favourite celebrity couple (as voted for in both 1104 and 1105 in Not Bad! magazine) were prematurely separated when King Vlad was stabbed to death by the dark and evil Callisto, Erdreja's Most Wanted. "I was pretty upset about that whole death business," says Vlad, musing over a massive feast in Asgard "But I want the Wolves to know that I'm very happy up here, I'm very proud of my wife and my faction, and I think Kara will do a stunning job of leading the rest of you guys in Midgard into some really brilliant wars. See you all at Ragnarok!". Vlad went on to reaffirm his grieving wife that he hadn't touched or looked at any Valkyries at all, because he still loves her (awww...)

The Daily Trickster went to speak to Kara about her new life and her plans for the future. She allowed us exclusive visiting rights in her luxurious boudouir, a showroom of ceiling to floor chintz. Whilst maids worked hard around her, she reclined thoughtfully in her trademark green dress, the outfit which has made her such an icon and an inspiration to a generation of young Norscan girls with a dream to one day follow in her footsteps and take over the World. "Stick on in there," she says to her fans "One day you could be as powerful and great as me - but not while I still draw breath!". She laughs her sweet melodic laugh, before becoming more serious as she talks about the circumstances under which she came to hold the power she now wields.

"I was totally distraught about losing Vlad. It was such a shock, and a horrible loss to me. The funeral was wonderful, a real King's send-off, but I was so upset that I wouldn't see him again in Midgard. If it wasn't for the faction's marvellously talented bards and their wonderful Bragihalle I don't think I could have faced taking charge. But that's what I have to do, for the good of the people, and to make sure that the Wolves get to wreak their terrible vengeance on the Kald Alfar and all our enemies. That Callisto cow did it because she was jealous of us, and I'm going to make her pay" So what plans does Kara have for the future? "Well, I plan to bring a new way of thinking to the Wolves, to bring diplomacy and prosperity and harmony to all nations. I think it'll be nice for the Worlds Greatest Barbarian Horde to be given that special feminine touch in its leadership." she smiles wryly, giving nothing away about her true, secret plans to destroy the Tarantulas. Finally, the Trickster asks if Queen Kara would describe herself as funky "I suppose so. It has been said to me before that I possess a certain funkiness". Would she say she was spunky? "Be careful, don't forget who you're talking to!" she warns. And what about this business with gnomes "You're under arrest. Guards!" she replies, just as the interview is prematurely terminated.

And with that, we must bring to a close this Daily Trickster Special Report on Kara: A Queen. A Lady. A Legend. May she rule us long and well and bring us many excellent wars.




(The Daily Trickster and its employees accept no responsibility for any information in this article with is inaccurate, offensive, blatantly fabricated, or accidentally true. Any similarity to real events or real people or Ancestors, living or dead, is mostly coincidental)

(P.S. Odin smells)

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:33 pm 
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The Maud

Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 4:10 pm
Posts: 2019
Real Name: Jan Alarcon
LOL!! Lester I applaude you - your skill at weaving a Bard's tale is admirable! :D

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'What doesn't kill us makes us stronger'


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:40 pm 
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Grand Overlord of Despair
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Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:52 pm
Posts: 2501
Real Name: Jules
Bloody bard... you said you weren't gonna print that bit about me!!! :D


Good one chap!

Gansk


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 9:04 am 
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Location: Starcraft Forest/Leeds
Jan wrote:
LOL!! Lester I applaude you - your skill at weaving a Bard's tale is admirable! :D


Just doing my job, ma'am 8)

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